The Jar of good memories

My friend Anoushka made this jar for me for Christmas... well, she decorated and purposed it for me I'm pretty sure her glass blowing skills aren't that great! 

The idea is that I write down all the moments that either make me smile or are ones I want to remember and store them in the jar over the year. At the end of the year it will be really nice to read them and reminisce about all the great things that happened during the year.

This photo was taken on January 20... it's safe to say my life is pretty good at the moment. I think they range from "Mum cooked an awesome meal" to "Tony came to have lunch with me and it was so sweet it nearly made me cry"!! hahahaha!  So, it's  smaller things AND larger things but all things that make me grateful and appreciative of all of the people I have.

I cant wait to read through them all at the end of the year but I think more to the point I cant wait for all of the moments that I know are going to be filling that jar to overflowing between now and then :)

xoxo

The most relaxing day EVER

This weekend I'm planning to be super productive and get myself back on track towards no longer failing at life. I have plans y'all :) On my to do list for the weekend is to read two books. I haven't really been reading much over the last few months and I miss it. I need that in my life. This is my selection for the weekend and it was so hard to decide which to jump into first but in the end I read 'Love letters to the dead' in one sitting pretty much today. OhMyGawd I have to agree with every You-Tuber who I've seen praising this book. It's so sad and so intense but the writing is AMAZING. It's really beautiful. Actually this reminds me a lot of Eleanor and Park.

Today I woke up at 6am (thanks brain but its Saturday!!!) so I tried really hard to go back to sleep but when that was a fail I just lay there day dreaming and watching you-tube clips on my phone. Finally I got out of bed around 11.

Then I ran up to the shops for some supplies and a coffee and when I got back it was time to turn on spotify and fall into a different world. As I mentioned I chose well :)

I took two breaks to do a workout inspired by blogilates from YouTube. I only did about 15 minutes and 8-10 minutes but let me tell you....Im'a feel that ish tomorrow! WOWZERS. It's all part of my getting my shizz together plan and I feel like I can fit that into everyday at least once. Tomorrow if it's not raining I plan to go for a walk instead. No point living at the beach and not making the most of it.

I didn't talk to anybody except the lovely girl who makes my coffee all day and while that would usually make me feel bored and lonely for some reason today all I feel is incredibly relaxed. It's been awesome and I reckon one more day will be brilliant. I think I'm going to jump into 'crash into you' tomorrow and I also have Pretty Little Liars and Hart of Dixie to watch. I cant wait :)

Hope your weekend is as awesome as mine.

xo

The GOOD with the BAD

***Long random sorta post ahead***

Things in my neck of the world have been a bit of a whirlwind over the last 6 weeks or so. It's so hard not to be all 'poor me' but there have been so many fantastic things that I have loved during this time that if I do dip my toe into the quick sand just thinking about them is enough to pull me out.

At the end of march my flatmate passed away. She didn't just pass away she had an accident here at home and I had to call the ambulance and it was a pretty nasty situation. I didn't think she would pass away that night but it was still so scary. Even now, all these weeks later it's still a little hard to actually fathom that she died. After a life of having these types of accidents and not dying ... she died. Hmmm. It's impossible to get my head around and it's so easy to say all the right things and of course the brain knows, logically that things couldn't have been different but generally speaking when things happen the heart is more powerful than the head. 

During the month I've had disappointment after disappointment on the job front and the resurgence of an injury that I just didn't think was ever going to be a problem again but which has meant that I've had to turn down work which always sucks. My finances are so stressful and past choices are making it hard right now. Of course it will all be better when I have an income!

So there's all of that and while I'm adjusting to looking for a new job and a new place to live I have had some major first world problems that have simply added together to make life so frustrating and kinda sorta like I'm constantly walking through gel ... or something. 

Today is the last day in my 100 happy days project. Looking back through the last month or so of pictures has really made me realise how incredibly lucky I am. If I were religiously inclined, which I'm not, I would say I were blessed. 

My friends and family have, on several situations helped me to have some amazing and fun times. Two nights after my flatmate went to hospital Mr left me speechless and just a wee bit in awe of him when he gave me a private tour of the civic and then a little later a crazy fun night in that had me wearing his clothes plus fairy wings and a crown and dancing around the house with his flatmate :)

I got to go to a hot air balloon show ( ?) which was really amazing. I've actually spent a ton of time with my sister and nephew in the last little while and I've really enjoyed it though having a 16 month old staying with me in my totally not child friendly house was freaking exhausting!. 

I finally had the graduation ceremony for my Graduate Diploma in Teaching. It was such a surprise to me but the day was super special and really enjoyable. I loved participating and I'm so glad that I went along. This ceremony was so much better than my graduation from my degree :)

My mom has been really supportive in lots of ways but she worked really hard to make it possible for me to have a dinner party for 8 of my friends. This is actually a bigger deal than it sounds and I had a fantastic time. The party was to celebrate my birthday and my graduation and my friend getting a job and also the fact that I thought I was going to be leaving this hood. 

Today I went for a long walk and I realised anew that this neighbour hood is spectacular and I am very lucky to live here. It's so great to live at the beach. Every day it's a little different and while it looks awesome it often also smells pretty great which is something that I love. 

So yeah. Things might be a little hard right now and while I'm prone to over thinking and being a drama queen I have an amazing life that is only going to get better. I am going to keep on keeping on and keep making plans and dreaming dreams because THATS how things get better. I will keep trying to reach my ideals and then when I do I will find new ones. I just need to take a breath and chill out sometimes.

#100happydays

So I was just reading my girl Reannas blog You'll Move Mountains...( ok we're not friends but I've been reading her blog for a while and feel like we could be lol) and she was talking about the 100 happy days project she's completing. 

Basically it's a social media challenge set by this web site in which you take a moment every day for 100 days to record something that makes you happy. You take a picture and then hash-tag it in order to join up. Simple but elegant :)

I decided straight away to sign up because with my life I should find this a breeze but I also know that I complain way to much and focus on the little things way to much. It's going to be nice to look back after 100 days to see what made me happy.

The post I put up on here ..and Instagram yesterday could have been a good place to start but NO CHEATING LOL. Cheating is not the point so I shall try hard to find something good and then Instagram the crap out of that shizz before I go to bed tonight!!! hahahahahahaha

I'm talking to MR. and dissing Rod Stewart on Facebook right now which is a fantastic way to start the day. It's making me very happy indeed. 

xo 

Caffeine withdrawal is a bitch

I've been feeling like a zombie with a sore head for the last 4 days or so and it only hit me last night that what I was experiencing was in fact caffeine withdrawal! How embarrassing but stopping coffee has pretty much sent me to bed for days!!! I gave in and brewed a pot tonight ... which I've enjoyed with some Tia Maria and now I feel so much better hahahaha 

The coffee has had to go because I've been finding that it's making me feel really gross. I just end up with so many things not right after a cup of coffee that in the end it's better to forgo that pleasure. I am now trying to be a tea queen. I miss the creamy hot drinks so much so this is a really hard transition. I completely understand that's very much a first world problem but it's my reality for now and it's sucking :(

Today I spent hours under a tree in the local reserve trying to let the fresh air and calm do it's thing on my foggy head. It really didn't help AND I think I got sunburned but while I was there I shot a lil silly vid for my Mr.Mr. I had been thinking I wanted to see what real speed reading would look like LOL

I'm currently reading "Crazy Rich Asians" by Kevin Kwan. It's pretty fun so far :)

xo

A bird in the hand is really really worth two in the bush...

So once again it's 1am and I am not asleep. Instead I am listening to John Mayer and ... well really I'm just wishing I were asleep! LOL. I wish it were easy to just switch off your brain. I cant stop thinking! 

Yesterday ... or the day before I kind of loose track but in the last day or two I applied for a role doing what I used to do before I decided to go be a Teacher. Of course the very thought of it sent me into an existential tailspin. I'm just that person who for every choice or every decision I can automatically see so many outcomes for every option. So many What IFs. I know I piss everybody off because sometimes these things are things that I need to put on my big girl pants and just freaking DO. I like to discuss and work out my thoughts with my friends and family when really there is no way to actually answer the what if because the thing has to happen first.

When I did this role in the past I had a really hard time with it and didn't love going to work so I'm guessing it will be a surprise for the manager that I'm trying again. Apart from the obvious one ( I NEED A JOb) I chose to apply for the job for a couple of different reasons. I really like the idea of a 9-5 where you can leave it all on the desk when you go home. I have always said that I want to work to live and not live to work.  I've realised in the last few weeks of working as a temp that I love being a part of the hospital machine and, sad as it might sound I enjoy customer service. This role is one that appeals to my ever growing ocd streak... I like tidy and organised!

Perhaps the biggest thing that I've come to realise recently and truly appreciate at every level is that a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. When you have something good it's so much more valuable than the great perhaps. If you don't have any version of what you want, or a bad version of it then wander into that perhaps but if you have something good that works and provides all you need then cherish it!

This job does nothing to look after the parts of me that I have to satisfy to be happy. It's not creative, it doesn't change that much, there's not a ton of contact with people directly, it provides no outlet for expressing myself or learning things that make my heart happy. 

While it doesn't do those things what it does provide me is a way to contribute to something important and the facility to get all of those things outside of work hours. It will allow me to do something meaningful while working to live and not living to work like a Teacher does. That's pretty cool I'd say.  I left to follow a convoluted dream that I had my facts wrong about anyway and when that dream was in my grasp I realised that I wasn't in love with the idea anymore. I gave up my bird in the hand for the possibility of the two in the bush and found out that not only were they common sparrows but that I hate birds! 

So. Lets see. I know that if I'm lucky enough to have an interview I will need to be very eloquent if I am to persuade them to employ me again but I want to try :)

xo 

Walking Stars Half Marathon 2013

On Saturday my sister and I walked the 'Walking Stars' half marathon for the Cancer Society. It was a hell of an experience. I am so proud of myself for finishing it when finishing things I hate really goes against my grain. This year I have learned the fine art of perseverance. I have learned to suck it up!

The walk led us around our fair city and it was actually pretty awesome to be a part of it. I loved walking by the harbor bridge at night and right alongside busy motorways. I loved all the drunk encouragement from the night club punters as we went through that part of town. It was amazing how they had timed things so perfectly that I was just saying to my sister that I really wanted some poweraid or something and then we round a corner to the rest stop where they are providing electrolytes! Awesome. I nearly didn't make it because the first hill just about did me in. I felt like throwing up and nearly did right in front of a classy looking building. If I had I think I would have been so embarrassed that I would have stopped. Luckily I kept it together :)

I think they could have planned a better route perhaps than one that had us finishing by slogging up a massive steep hill! that was the worst part actually. I came so close to skipping the last 2k but I didn't ... mainly because my sister wouldn't let me LOL

We were walking for our aunt Bev who passed away earlier this year from leukemia. It was really sad to see all of the people who were walking with long lists of names on their backs. Some people were walking for several family members AND a bunch of friends. It was just so sobering. I think the whole event was really cool and importantly a big FUCK YOU CANCER!!!

I have some lovely friends and family who have been so generous in supporting my sister and I. We managed to raise our team goal so hopefully our little contribution combined with all of the other contributions on the night will make a difference in the fight! 

Next year some decent shoes and some good training and I will own those hills!

x

Three weeks! I can do it

I am NOT loving this month. I'm finding it really hard to focus on all of the things that are so lucky and so amazing in my life right now for the reality of the things that I don't love. There are a bunch of things right now that I'm really not enjoying and they're taking O-VAH my brain. LOL. I'm feeling like the future is a big black hole of 'this' which it absolutely isn't. I'm over thinking and being a worst case scenario person and honestly just a brat so I thought I would follow the lead of one of my fave blogs and do a 'Happy List. So here's a bunch of stuff that is in my life right now that makes me happy and some things that I'm super grateful for..

Sunshine and lots of it

My very generous and supportive mother

My beautiful nephew

Fab new maxi skirt that I cant wait to wear

It's Breaker nation time again (even if it's been a tough start with the new team this season. I don't care they rock!)

Jason Derulo on the radio 

Heart of Dixie on Television

14 more days of practicum

Remedy Coffee on Wellesly street

Auckland Libraries

The city campus of Auckland Uni

Friends who are drama free

My minke blanket

Nutrigrain for breakfast on the bus

Sunrise

Long days

Paramore on the radio

Bloglovin

Planning a Christmas in the snow for 2014

Living in the most beautiful little suburb by the beach

My head cold is starting to fade

'LALALA' by naughty boy on the radio

YouTube vids

I'm sure that there are more things ... there must be right? however I have a bit of work to finish. I was supposed to get all the planning done for the week by yesterday so I could have a whole day off on this long day but it just didn't happen. I'm just so damn tired! ... also I had a weekend I guess so it's not too bad :)

Dreaming ...

What a day! 

I didn't really do much but I feel like I've been busy busy busy :)

I'm having issues getting to the end of my course at University... it's crazy close.. like one week of classes left close but it's getting harder and harder to deal with being so poor. I am having day dreams about being able to have the life of a grown up!... I'm dreaming of real hair product and freedom to get groceries as and when I choose.. ooohh freedom to buy books and have itunes sprees! I'm dying to join a gym and buy real clothes and actual shoes that don't hurt my feet. How exciting to be able to pay a water bill and a power bill and still take the bus!!! AAAhhhhh 

It's like the closer I get to freedom and that real grown up life on my own terms the further away it seems to get. I almost get breathless thinking that I will never be able to have my own art on the walls or store the damn toilet paper actually IN the bathroom. I'm really dying to live alone. 

*sigh*

Anyhow I've been scrolling through my pinterest boards and thought I would share some of my all time favorite pins. They take my mind off of the frustrations and make me smile so you know.. it's the small things :)

x

I left class with a bunch of inspiration today

So how do you delight and amuse a grown woman? Task her with creating a badge that represents her. This was a total win for our Technology teacher today. The pink and yellow lines represent my childish girly side as well as my love of uniformity and routine. The stars are my dreamer side and also my love of shiny things. The books are more obvious... I like books! hahahahaha

I left class feeling light and positive which is an AMAZING change :)

I am currently full of motivation and inspiration about getting my stuff together and what I would like to create for the future. I started thinking about how I was going to put my resume together for the end of the year and also how I'm going to go about giving up some of the things I love love love ( coffee and coke I'm looking at you) in order to finally get my health under control.

Aside from that I have also made peace with my overly busy mind regarding a friend of mine that I have been spending a lot of time talking to recently. He's so different from me and there are a ton of real reasons why having him in my life is a bad idea BUT I have decided that it's not often that you meet someone who you get along with so well and if something is fun why analyse the life out of it. Just relax and see what happens.

I am going to focus on why I CAN do things rather than why I cant and I am going to simply enjoy what happens and take every opportunity that I come across. After all. That's what Beyonce would do!

:)

Gettin my health on ...

Today I did... NOTHING towards getting my butt into gear and getting my health on. In fact I would say I did the opposite. I currently feel gross and my meals today were a joke! It's not rocket science now is it. Rubbish in Rubbish out! - I did however have some of the protein powder in a drink for breakfast ( I HAD BREAKFAST! Go mE!!). It's not horrible, it's quite palatable even but the taste is still lingering... and its pea. mmm 

I also picked up a script that I'd forgotten I even had waiting. The lovely peeps at the pharmacy called me to remind me it was sitting there :)  check it out, months and months of easy breathing for the bargain price of $5.00! SWEET 

I've been reading a few blogs to try and find some motivation from other peoples journeys and some of the best ... or some of my faves at least are Jessica at Lovely Little Things  and Jana at Perception is everything.  

Neither of these blogs are exactly health & fitness blogs but they're both ladies who have that glow that I'm after and who work hard on choosing a healthy life. They're both a bit younger than me but I'd still love to be friends with them :) -check em out!

x

Taking Chaaaaaarge :)

Today is Thursday which means.... only ONE DAY of holiday left :( such a bummer and I am really really not ready to go back to university. It's probably a good thing though because I can feel myself becoming very good at being a sloth! I am actually guilty of napping during the day! NONONONOOooo that wont do. I haven't gone so far as to turn the television on before the 6pm news but it's just about that bad!

Queen B announced another show today.. .I think that I'm just gonna do it. If I am able to get a ticket I'm going to see the damn show. Who cares about a life of debt. At least it's only a couple of months till I can get a job and at the end of the day its freaking BEYONCE! Hopefully a friend will come with me but I will be more than happy to go alone :)

Over this break I have done a bunch of things including thinking about what my life is going to be like once I am finally free from the shackles of Auckland University (I know, dramatic, but I really really dislike it!).  I've been day dreaming about small luxuries like a magazine subscription and getting my hair coloured. I have been looking at apartments to rent and online shopping for the most amazing wardrobe. I'm deciding which coffee machine I will buy and what I will put in my booze cupboard... you know all the important things :)

Apart from that I have also been going a little deeper and thinking about how I want to live and how I will choose to be a 'single, professional woman in the city' LOL. The first move that I have made is to decide that it's finally time for me to take control of my health a little more than I have. These days it feels like food hates me, so today I started the journey to figure out why. I visited a naturopath and she is going to do a bunch of research and try to figure out what might be my problem and how I might fix it. What seems pretty clear is that if I ever want to be that happy shiny girl walking down the street that  looks like she's lit from within I have a hell of a journey to take.

I'll have to wait and see what Penny comes up with but from our conversation today and my own experiences it seems like a vegetarian/vegan diet is on the cards along with a crap load more exercise. I have years and years of neglect to make up for! I know from my brief forays into the world of exercise that a hard workout really suits me so I need to get on that as well. I'd like to join a gym but that will have to wait till after graduation. Till then it's gonna be up to me to find alternate ways around the issue and alternate motivation.

I may, from time to time blog this journey because it's really something that is going to seep into every moment of my life over the next few months. I might have to learn to cook *gasp*. Aside from the physical things there are also the spiritual paths to tread. This might be in the form of throwing myself into the available arts scene a lot more, it might be new books or music I just don't know. I love the idea of religion but honestly I don't think that is going to be for me. It's pretty impossible to change a lifetime of ardent atheism. ;-) 

The first thing to do in these confusing situations of course is to ask myself WWBD??? and the answer is of course... WORK HER ASS OFF AND GET THE DAMN JOB DONE AND BE AWESOME WHILE SHE DID IT!!!!  So, I shall aim to follow her example and turn my laser , big picture focus on and get the job done.

x 

The first training walk....

This week it's really seeming a lot more like 'little life little country' but that's OK sometimes. I think it's pretty valuable to on occasion just stay home and enjoy some simple relaxing moments. I am loving the weather and it's allowing me lots of freedom to stretch out like a cat in the sun and enjoy some books and also to really appreciate the gorgeous neighborhood that I live in.

My sister and I have decided that we're going to participate in the cancer society half marathon walk at the end of the year. It's not all locked down quite yet but it's really quite a big deal for us non sporty non participating non fit ladies :) We want to do it for our Aunt but also for every person who is touched by Cancer. Today I decided to put my cold and my laziness to the side and start back on my walking trail. I mean it's not much but you have to start somewhere right?. I really live in a beautiful area and I feel very lucky. I used to walk it all the time and I've taken so many photos of each corner of it but still cant resist getting all snap happy. I love how on the 16th of July there is so much colour still to be found and that there was somebody swimming!!!! He was in his underwear so I do wonder if he might not have been drunk... It's a lovely day but NOT SWIMMING WEATHER LOL ;)

The shots are all a little on the blurry side today but it was JUST SO SUNNY! LOL it was kinda hard to see straight. LOVE IT. Also they're filter free so that kinda makes a difference as well. :)

x

It's a big day tomorrow

Tomorrow is a big day for my class mates and I. We're starting our second practicum in schools across the city. This is the 5 weeks of the year that sort the men from the boys... it's where we really know if we want to be teachers or not and also when we REALLY know if it's likely to happen or not. So right now I'm sitting here just a lil bit (read A-LOT) nervous. Hahahahaha. I know it's going to be fine and the things that I'm stressing about are the things that are going to be awesome but reality is the last thing that is going to help in this situation.

I guess the nerves are good? They mean that I am thinking about and considering the requirements of what I'm doing and giving it due respect? That sounds right. Oh well. My motto is 'Fake it till you make it' and it's served me well in the past. Tomorrow I shall make sure I look fab and simply do my best with what I get.

It's funny. I went into the year just planning to go to class and go to practicum and be done with it but I've actually made some friends that I am going to miss while I'm away from University! When you spend so much time with people and stress out with them and see geek movies with them, they get under your skin and become a part of your day. Oh well, lucky we have face book and text messaging :-)

SOOOOO Fingers crossed for us. Good Luck to Us. May the force be with us. May the children not eat sugar and may they not get nits or other gross things that they pass on to us AND may we all kick ass and be our totally awesome selves.

Bring it ON! ... now what am I gonna wear????

;-)

Procrastination moi? ... yes OK definitely moi...

Here's a random pic of me feeding Nakuru at the zoo this summer. Such an awesome day. OhMiGosh. It was a zoom tour that my mum gave me for Christmas and I got to feed the lions and pat the Rhino. I was on cloud 9 for about a week. Who would have thought that the Rhino would have been cuter than Nakuru? Not me but he really was awesome. I don't have any pics of me that are particularly great with him so I'm not gonna post them...

Why am I posting this pic of Nakuru's cute face right now? ... well.. um... no real reason. It's a great way to get my assignment finished right?? hahahahaha. I am procrastinating so hard this afternoon. 

I'm trying to impress my friend Mike and actually be organised and get my assignment in early so that I can start my placement on Monday with one less stresser. The placement is gonna have more than enough stress attached. I have one assignment done and good to go but let me tell ya dance education is not exciting. Not even a tiny little bit exciting. *yawn*

OK fine. I will get off the internet (except for spotify) and finish this assignment. I am thisclosetodone! just hit a wall. 

I will show Mr M that I CAN pull it together occasionally. 

:)

This is not an ad just ... well.. I love them ok ???!!!???

Sitting in my own comfy chair outside the shop because I was so early

Almost ready for their fans...

Last night I went back to the free yoga classes at Lulu Lemon @ Britomart.

I haven't been for so long that I wasn't sure how I would go but it wasn't too bad at all. I adore Lulu Lemon for providing these classes. I completely understand that it's win-win-win for them and a great business decision but the fact is that I cant afford to go to yoga class and their choice to do this means that I get to experience it.

The staff at this particular store are sooooo cool. They are very skilled at their jobs and really make you feel like they just want you to participate and that they only sell this stuff coz they want to make your life better! They're lovely and really happy to show you stuff and give advice. LOVE THEM.

The classes are run by instructors from different studios around the city so they get to come and advertise which is fine and because the class is free and soooooo packed out they tend to stick to the job at hand and simply work you out rather than hitting all of the notes that you might get in a normal class.

I love how I feel after a really hard yoga class but I am yet to find a way to make the buzz last. All of the people I've met who do yoga regularly from students to teachers to sales staff are all so lovely and of that uber-healthy and majorly perky ilk. Normally those kind of people make me uncomfortable but with the yogis not so much. I tend to find more motivation and things to aspire to when I'm hanging in that world. whodathunk!!! 

My goal is to one day have enough money to actually buy something non-edible in Britomart and I think I shall begin with a Lulu lemon yoga mat! LOL. I may be a touch brain washed but what can I say... results don't lie! 

Now, as I said, I just need to find a way to make the buzz last past the bus ride home... 

Happy New Year

As of yesterday I had been 35 for 7 days!!! High time to make my new years resolutions. I am .. or rather I have been quite the fan of making goals and writing them up all pretty and then forgetting they exist. Perhaps this will be another of those moments but my situation is quite different now. I have the chance to really have a career and settled, grown up life starting and perhaps this time these goals will stick.

I have read that when writing goals it's good to create them in the present tense so here goes...

1. I am attending one yoga class a week and practicing 3 times a week at home.
2. I am working hard on my semester 2 classes and practicum tasks. I am passing all of my papers.
3. I am eating 3 meals a day
4. In 2014 I have a great job in a good school. I am doing well and my class are a well oiled machine.
5. In 2014 I am saving hard for my trip to Canada at Christmas. 
6. In 2014 I am living in my own apartment.

and ... well I have never really put this one down on any list because it's not something that I really believe you can quantify or even choose. I feel like it's something that chooses you when the time is right but

    7. I am dating a cool guy who is a little older than me. He is really smart. 

       He has traveled and has a job and a life.... and perhaps a puppy! LOL

;-)