life is hard for control freaks sometimes

It's a little hard to put what I want to write about into words for this post. In the last week..as late as this afternoon I've had experiences that have made me so happy and heard news that made me so sad. I wont go into it as both things are very personal but they've both made me realise how little control we have over the outcome of our lives. There are just so many unknowables and there is just no answer to that pit of confusion and worry in your stomach. Things just have to happen as they happen.

It's really hard to be ok with things happening on their own schedule. In both of my scenarios I just want to jump to the end so I can KNOW!!!! ARGH it's so frustrating. When you're dealing with other humans there is no such thing as control. You just have to find a distraction and find a way to deal. 

I wonder how to stop thinking about it and how to make the wait less excruciating? Grrr

:/

The words count people!

Today one of my lovely patients told me that after 63 years of marriage  his wife had told him she loved him for the first time that morning!!! WOW. Now I don't know exactly how true that might be but it was either the best or worst thing today I just cant decide. 

I find that so peculiar. You could argue that she showed him every day for 63 years that she loved him by being his wife and all that the title entails but I think the words count. The look on that gentleman's face as he told his story prove that words matter. I have a personal philosophy of always saying what I think about someone... well the good stuff at least. I know it's pretty rare and people sometimes get a little weird about it but if I think something nice about you I'm going to tell you! 

Generally we need to get better at taking compliments. It's nothing for us to believe bad things that we hear about ourselves but when it comes to compliments and nice things we get uncomfortable and disregard the words. We think the person telling us something nice is just trying to be nice or to make us feel good or something. Well... DUH! Yes, of course but that doesn't mean they're lying or making things up. 

For Mr's birthday last week I decided to do a birthday week. I sent him 7 small gifts and 7 nice notes over 7 days. On each of those notes I wrote something about him that I like. Something great about his personality ( and person LOL) that makes me happy and which I want him to know. I put it right out there and gave very specific examples of the sorts of things he is and things he does that make him awesome. He's decided to wait and open all 7 packages when I see him next and I'm a bit worried that it's going to be a pretty intense couple of minutes. I almost decided not to go and to make him open them alone but then I realised that each of those 7 things is something true. Even when he's being annoying or when the small things seem big he IS all of those big and important things. I want him to know what I think about him, especially on his birthday so I guess if it's face to face then so be it :) 

I don't tend to go around giving people those sorts of compliments to people because that WOULD be weird but I'm never backwards in coming forwards and I've found that the more I do it the easier it becomes. I tell everybody nice things and you know what? they like it! If you just think something it's meaningless and nobody benefits soooooo spill it. Say what's on your mind but just don't make a big deal about it coz that CAN be a little creepy hahahahahaha

xo

  

A few of my faves from the weekend :)

I stole Mr's shirt! It's so soft and cozy and it's great to sleep in AND wear with jean shorts to hang out. Score :)

We moved the cut down thingy (LOL) and had ourselves a lil fire. Then we started playing with the lasers. So fun.. and pretty as well. 

My view on a great morning from the current place I'm working. It really makes it easy to get up early to start at 7.30am. I love how beautiful my city looks from here.

This blury pic is of a cruise ship leaving Auckland. I was hanging out at the beach with my friend and just loving how beautiful the night was and how nice to be out and about making the most of the end of summer :)

Kiss them...

I just read this on the Thought Catalogue's twitter feed.

I LOVE IT :)

It's like a long poem... an ode to kissing. Thanks Ella Ceron for writing this... I don't know the rules for reproducing these sorts of things but I'm keeping a record of this here because I really think it's awesome and perhaps I will be able to send it to someone to read someday.... Click here to go to the original post

"Kiss them like it’s the first time, when you’re nervous and unsure that they might pull away. Kiss them timidly, kiss them scared, kiss them thinking that this first time might be the last time your lips ever meet. Debate asking them if you can kiss them. Debate pulling them in, debate catching them off-guard so you can play it off like a mistake if they do take a step back.

Think about kissing them long before you do; think about it all night, let them mimic your thoughts with the way their lips move as they say every single word. Wish that you were those words. Wish that you were that sound, wish that you were their voice. Get lost in the sound of their accent, of their enunciation, of the cadence and the flow, no matter if you’ve heard it every day of the past forever. Get lost in the nuances; lose yourself to the feeling that everything is new and exciting and filled with what if.

Kiss them like it’s the hundredth time, like you know how they want to be kissed and they know how to kiss you. Kiss them knowing which way your noses are going to go, knowing how to keep your teeth from crashing, knowing how much tongue is too much tongue and how sometimes you don’t even need tongue at all to let them know you care.

Kiss them in the morning, closed-mouth, saving them from morning breath, but still, a kiss is a nice way to wake up if you can wake up to one. Kiss them like you’re 14 and you’re nervous and the idea of anything other than just a peck is foreign and ambitious and bold. Kiss them like that’s all you need; sometimes it’s the little gestures that matter. Kiss them randomly, when you’re both watching TV and it’s Thursday night — Thursday night kisses are not the passionate kind — and you just want to give them a kiss because you can and maybe it would be nice. Kiss them once, but hold them forever, as if the hug is the endgame, that being that close is all you need, all you want, and all you could ask for. They don’t owe you any more than that, after all. The fact that they want to hug you, too, is more than enough.

Kiss them like it’s the twentieth time you’ve kissed them, or maybe the tenth, like they’re becoming more familiar and you’re becoming more comfortable and you’re second-guessing yourself less, and you begin to realize that they’re not going anywhere, they’re not pulling away, they’re not running away. Kiss them because it’s still exhilarating to kiss them, like you hope this is still early in the course of kissing them, that you’ve kissed them a few times already, but there’s still so many more moments just like this one you can share.

Kiss them like it’s the second time you’ve ever kissed them, like you know now that they want you to kiss them and so you do, eagerly, happily — but still a little hopeful that they’re not going to pull away. That they’re not going to rescind, that it’s not a mistake. Kiss them with a little familiarity, but a little fear still. Not that you’re scared of them, but that liking them could lead to falling for them could lead to loving them could lead to heartbreak. But don’t think about that now. Think about kissing them instead. And do it."

 Awesome! 

Here's a link to my Pinterest board devoted to the wonderful art 

xo

Television sucks your soul...

TVNZ is so clever. They've put season 4 of Pretty Little Liars on at 12pm on a Sunday. I had no idea why and really thought it was dumb because this show should be rating through the roof. Teenage girls ( and 35 year old women) LOVE this shizz! Seriously it's freaking awesome. The old slot of 5.30 on a Sunday was bad enough... 

Then today while I was watching I started to have a few epiphanies. I never watch TV during the day..EVER so score right there for the television station as they have instantly got an extra hour of ad watching out of me. I would have probably watched something in the old time slot so this really is a bonus hour for them. I cant believe how much of your day ends up being sucked up when you turn the box on! 

The other thing I realised was that I watch this show and while I really like it I do tend to come away feeling slightly under-dressed under-groomed and ... old. I always want to run out and buy something to remedy that after watching the hot young high schoolers race around after the Ubiquitous 'A'. That's not their fault. It makes sense to have good looking people play these roles and the show is really not about that. It isn't at all focused on their looks and they are really all pretty kick ass characters. It's just years of media conditioning. 

I love this show and make an effort to see it and yet I feel sorta conflicted about that. I honestly think it's a good example of how Television is way WAY too important. I need to get a life!

I think that when I'm more in a position to make it happen I'm going to make a big goal of watching less T.V. just to see how much more fun my life becomes. I'm picking that if I'm conscious about it and make an effort to fill my time with fun things and cool people I'm going to come away feeling much more entertained and also feeling a ton more awesome about who I am and what I represent.

xo