This is not what I sat down here to write!

At the start of the week I heard about a cool thing that was happening tonight and I asked my boyfriend if he was free to come with me. when he said he was working I kind of lost it a little bit. Several minutes of swearing and being REALLY mad ensued. It's not his fault he happened to be working on the one random night I wanted to do something but I felt so disappointed and all sorts of " what's the point of having a bf if he's never around??". It was unfair and just a tad crazy.

SO...I decided that I'm an independent grown woman and there is nothing stopping me doing cool things alone. For some reason it didn't occur to me to ask if one of my friends wanted to come. I guess I was just wanting to spend this time with him. I called it my Beyonce moment!! hahaha.  As it turns out I got half way to said cool thing and decided I couldn't be bothered so got a Japanese curry and am just waiting for my bus as I type. 

Before the bf and I became serious I used to do everything by myself. I had zero qualms about doing any and everything that I wanted to do on my own terms and that's how I went into the relationship. It's kind of hilarious how much 6 months can change a person. I didn't want him to take up too much of my time or to be too intense about things. I kind of wanted a friend with benefits which is so hard to believe now. I've done an almost, but not quite 360 on the issue. Now I think of him before I make any plan and I want him around as much as I can get him... which sadly isn't very much. It's so hard to accept but I'm getting there. I don't know what the future holds but I do know that for now and in this moment I am actually in love. SO WEIRD.

 

I completely embarrassed myself tonight by going against all of my principles and long held ideas and going into a jewelry shop to try on a diamond... by myself. 

I guess I am a total girl at the end of the day. 

xo

Hell yes 2014

They say to start as you mean to continue and I certainly have :-) The first two days of January have been cool. I have spent time at the beach, read a good book, seen some movies and eaten the best french toast I have EVER eaten. Looking good for the rest of the year I'd say. This post is my 'goals for the new year' post. I wasn't going to but for some reason it's on my mind. I feel the need to organise my thoughts about the year to come because I want it to be different ... better than the previous year. So with out further ado...

I want to continue to...

*walk as much as possible

*be grateful for where I live and the people in my life

*enjoy book tube and find other awesome content makers. SUPPORT THEM.

*build my relationships with new friends 

*dream

I want to learn to...

*make videos

*grocery shop like an adult

*stand up paddle board

*master the Natarajasana (not-ah-raj-AHS-anna) pose in yoga.

*understand more about religion

I want to stop...

*eating so much sugar

*over thinking everything (see 'making resolutions with Mrs Carter')

* Watching Shortland Street

specific to do list...

Get a JOB

Go to Edmonton or Japan

Live in the city

Play with make up a bit - wear red lipstick!

Start writing ... something

Go to Wellington

have a small but stocked booze cupboard 

Learn one great meal to make

Have one dinner party

Get new glasses

Read 5 classics that aren't written by Jane Austin or Maude

buy a mod cloth dress

See a show at silo or Q theatre.

Hmm this is fun! I could go on for a LONG time doing this. There are just so many things I want to do! still that's the basic idea of how I'd like my year to go :)

Happy New Year

I'm such a wimp

Today I was wandering around Twitter as you do and @Auckland_Libs tweeted about an event which is happening tomorrow. It's a panel discussion about censorship in NewZealand literature. It sounds A-MAY-ZING!!

The problem is that it's being held in a gallery in town which is pretty cutting edge by the looks of it and I am way to intimidated to go by myself! LOL. It's going to be dark and the people there will be all cool and intellectual and stuff. It's way to stressful. Seriously.

The blog from one of the key contributors can be found here "Tuesdays at method and manners"

I wish I could cowboy up for this one! hmm maybe I'll see how I feel after school finishes tomorrow. 

WWBD?? -Beyonce would suck it up and head into the gallery like she owned it of course....

:-/

I left class with a bunch of inspiration today

So how do you delight and amuse a grown woman? Task her with creating a badge that represents her. This was a total win for our Technology teacher today. The pink and yellow lines represent my childish girly side as well as my love of uniformity and routine. The stars are my dreamer side and also my love of shiny things. The books are more obvious... I like books! hahahahaha

I left class feeling light and positive which is an AMAZING change :)

I am currently full of motivation and inspiration about getting my stuff together and what I would like to create for the future. I started thinking about how I was going to put my resume together for the end of the year and also how I'm going to go about giving up some of the things I love love love ( coffee and coke I'm looking at you) in order to finally get my health under control.

Aside from that I have also made peace with my overly busy mind regarding a friend of mine that I have been spending a lot of time talking to recently. He's so different from me and there are a ton of real reasons why having him in my life is a bad idea BUT I have decided that it's not often that you meet someone who you get along with so well and if something is fun why analyse the life out of it. Just relax and see what happens.

I am going to focus on why I CAN do things rather than why I cant and I am going to simply enjoy what happens and take every opportunity that I come across. After all. That's what Beyonce would do!

:)

Taking Chaaaaaarge :)

Today is Thursday which means.... only ONE DAY of holiday left :( such a bummer and I am really really not ready to go back to university. It's probably a good thing though because I can feel myself becoming very good at being a sloth! I am actually guilty of napping during the day! NONONONOOooo that wont do. I haven't gone so far as to turn the television on before the 6pm news but it's just about that bad!

Queen B announced another show today.. .I think that I'm just gonna do it. If I am able to get a ticket I'm going to see the damn show. Who cares about a life of debt. At least it's only a couple of months till I can get a job and at the end of the day its freaking BEYONCE! Hopefully a friend will come with me but I will be more than happy to go alone :)

Over this break I have done a bunch of things including thinking about what my life is going to be like once I am finally free from the shackles of Auckland University (I know, dramatic, but I really really dislike it!).  I've been day dreaming about small luxuries like a magazine subscription and getting my hair coloured. I have been looking at apartments to rent and online shopping for the most amazing wardrobe. I'm deciding which coffee machine I will buy and what I will put in my booze cupboard... you know all the important things :)

Apart from that I have also been going a little deeper and thinking about how I want to live and how I will choose to be a 'single, professional woman in the city' LOL. The first move that I have made is to decide that it's finally time for me to take control of my health a little more than I have. These days it feels like food hates me, so today I started the journey to figure out why. I visited a naturopath and she is going to do a bunch of research and try to figure out what might be my problem and how I might fix it. What seems pretty clear is that if I ever want to be that happy shiny girl walking down the street that  looks like she's lit from within I have a hell of a journey to take.

I'll have to wait and see what Penny comes up with but from our conversation today and my own experiences it seems like a vegetarian/vegan diet is on the cards along with a crap load more exercise. I have years and years of neglect to make up for! I know from my brief forays into the world of exercise that a hard workout really suits me so I need to get on that as well. I'd like to join a gym but that will have to wait till after graduation. Till then it's gonna be up to me to find alternate ways around the issue and alternate motivation.

I may, from time to time blog this journey because it's really something that is going to seep into every moment of my life over the next few months. I might have to learn to cook *gasp*. Aside from the physical things there are also the spiritual paths to tread. This might be in the form of throwing myself into the available arts scene a lot more, it might be new books or music I just don't know. I love the idea of religion but honestly I don't think that is going to be for me. It's pretty impossible to change a lifetime of ardent atheism. ;-) 

The first thing to do in these confusing situations of course is to ask myself WWBD??? and the answer is of course... WORK HER ASS OFF AND GET THE DAMN JOB DONE AND BE AWESOME WHILE SHE DID IT!!!!  So, I shall aim to follow her example and turn my laser , big picture focus on and get the job done.

x