A moment of perfection

I've been running all over town recently doing a bunch of fun things. There has been the Auckland arts festival going on and it's been such nice weather why not make the most of it? I moved into my new flat (which I LOVE), my nephew said my name properly for the first time which was really cool , it was Tony's birthday and the list just goes on and on . 

It's been a busy and exciting and really really fun time. In the middle of it all there was one special moment. It was one moment that took my breath away. In that moment everything was so perfect that I didn't quite know how to process all the amazing-ness :)

Tony had gotten us tickets to see Fela! the concert at the Civic. We had just taken our seats which were amazing and I was sitting there in that special, beautiful building with my wonderful man beside me. We were watching the band warm up and I was staring at the ceiling waiting for the shooting star to shoot across the 'sky'.... I've never felt luckier or happier. There was literally no where else I would have wanted to be.

I've been trying to recognise those moments and document them. I don't think that I'll ever forget sitting there and having to catch my breath but if I take the time to document it then when I'm having a really crappy day I can read back through my archives and remember that actually perfect things do exist and they do happen to me. 

xo

Tomorrow is February 14.. whatever

It's amazing how intense conversations about valentines day can get! Today at work it went a little like this 

ME: " LOL all I got for valentines day was a " haha I'm working on Valentines day"

PERSON I WORK WITH: " A relationship without romance will fizzle you know"

ME: " WTF" ....

Or you know, something like that. I'm going to go ahead, put it out there and go on record as saying I think valentines day is dumb. YEP let me put it in caps for ya VALENTINES DAY IS DUMB

This is the first February 14th in my life that I've been in a relationship. The first commercially dictated day of Romance that I could reasonably expect to enjoy but it feels so meaningless. I admit that I am a spoiled princess and soooooo lucky but I have romance most days. My Mr is the master of doing little things that make me smile and make me feel so special all the time. I value him and all the things that he does for me without thinking about it, with out any intention or even realisation that it's going to make me happy.

The sexiest and most romantic sentence ever uttered is definitely something more along the lines of "See that line? that's where the kitchen starts. Don't Cross it" and not " Happy Valentines day, here's the thingamy you forced me to buy you"

Just sayin

Musings from the shower...

I'm off to spend the weekend with the BF tomorrow YAY :) 

I was just in the shower doing all of the things so that I look as good as possible for him and thinking about how I want to cook him my favorite tomato pasta for dinner and I got so embarrassed! I started thinking how silly I was being and how it's insane that I'm getting excited to cook for him because I'm a terrible cook!  He cooks and I do a mean set of dishes hahahaha

AND THEN I gave myself a mental slap and realised that this doesn't mean I'm turning into a 1950's housewife or that I'm not a modern woman at all or even that I'm acting like a 15 year old. It means that we have a good relationship I'd say. These days it's so frowned upon for someone to say that they're actually in love with their partner. To say that they want to look good for them and do things for no other reason than to make them happy. In our particular relationship these things have tended to fall within traditional gender roles which just adds an extra layer of weird.

I wish that it were socially acceptable to say these things out loud! I'm just so sick of all this weird feeling that it's only ok to speak about a man if it's negative or sexual. I'm done with it and just so I'm not a hypocrite here goes....

I'm a modern , educated woman who makes sure that she shaves her legs and cuts her toe nails before spending the night. I make a point of trying to enjoy some of what he enjoys and I always tell him how handsome he is. I love him and it's not cute or sweet it's just how it is. Giving those things to him does not diminish me in anyway because he lights up my life in completely random ways all the time. We work because we're always trying to impress each other and it's awesome!

... SO THERE! 

Hahahahahahah Rant officially done

xoxo

I cant decide if my life is embarrassingly sad or insanely awesome!

I didn't ever plan to make this blog quite as personal as I have recently but to be honest these are the types of blogs I like to read and also right now the things that are on my mind are kind of personal... so WHATEVER.

Tonight I went to the Library to get my new book ( Landline by Rainbow Rowell *SQUEE*) and then decided since I wasn't quite ready to go home that I would have something to eat before going for a bus. I probably chose a really dumb place to eat because it's dark and lovely and not a place to be on a Friday night by yourself. Within two sips of my overly sweet muscato I was starting to get really pissy with my life. I mean it's pretty cool to be able to read in lovely surrounds while eating beautiful crepes BUT on a Friday night after a week of work I'd really like to not be taking myself out on a romantic date. I'd really like to have someone to unwind with and to enjoy it with me! I thought that a boyfriend would be good for that sort of thing but of course I end up with one who lives in a different world that runs on different norms. It just all feels really unfair sometimes. 

Now I'm being a brat I know and obviously I am in no way comparing my situation to people with actual problems but it's so frustrating and a little depressing. 

I tend to go on a bit of a roller-coaster with my thoughts on being in a relationship with someone who has a ridiculous job they adore. On one hand, I have a great man who's amazing to be around and is nothing but awesome to me and who has a work ethic that I am actually really proud of BUT on the other I essentially have the life of a single person without actually having the right to act like one.  It's not that I have any desire to act like a single person and get on that dating wheel again, not even a little bit, but I get all the bad things about being single without the fun of dating! NO FAIR

HUMPH! I know logically that it's about accepting all parts of the person and loving them for who they are and what they bring to your life. I know that the universe is 'not a wish granting factory' and as such it's important to be able to be flexible with what you're wanting and dreaming of. To be able to reconcile what you want with what you get. I know that if I'm going to get off this roller-coaster I need to accept what I have in this adorable man and adjust my expectations. After all, who knows what the future holds. I am probably missing parts of the puzzle and maybe in time a picture will reveal itself that surpasses all of my dreams and is more than what I could hope for right now.  

ARGH

Ok whiny baby time is over!

Going home to read more of this cool book and clean my house so I can go to the film festival guilt free tomorrow ;-)

This is not what I sat down here to write!

At the start of the week I heard about a cool thing that was happening tonight and I asked my boyfriend if he was free to come with me. when he said he was working I kind of lost it a little bit. Several minutes of swearing and being REALLY mad ensued. It's not his fault he happened to be working on the one random night I wanted to do something but I felt so disappointed and all sorts of " what's the point of having a bf if he's never around??". It was unfair and just a tad crazy.

SO...I decided that I'm an independent grown woman and there is nothing stopping me doing cool things alone. For some reason it didn't occur to me to ask if one of my friends wanted to come. I guess I was just wanting to spend this time with him. I called it my Beyonce moment!! hahaha.  As it turns out I got half way to said cool thing and decided I couldn't be bothered so got a Japanese curry and am just waiting for my bus as I type. 

Before the bf and I became serious I used to do everything by myself. I had zero qualms about doing any and everything that I wanted to do on my own terms and that's how I went into the relationship. It's kind of hilarious how much 6 months can change a person. I didn't want him to take up too much of my time or to be too intense about things. I kind of wanted a friend with benefits which is so hard to believe now. I've done an almost, but not quite 360 on the issue. Now I think of him before I make any plan and I want him around as much as I can get him... which sadly isn't very much. It's so hard to accept but I'm getting there. I don't know what the future holds but I do know that for now and in this moment I am actually in love. SO WEIRD.

 

I completely embarrassed myself tonight by going against all of my principles and long held ideas and going into a jewelry shop to try on a diamond... by myself. 

I guess I am a total girl at the end of the day. 

xo

Romance is dead?

I was walking around downtown Auckland taking photos of the street art as I am want to do and came across this...

It struck me as quite sad! I mean.. romance only exists in novels?? That's not true at all. Romance is everywhere. My perspective on this debate is that it's really a question of what you're picturing when you think 'romance'. If the only thing you can think of is 12 red roses and dinner that costs hundreds of dollars then yeah... maybe for you romance is dead. For me romance is going out of the way to take you to their favorite fish and chip shop. It's getting out of bed first to make a coffee and making sure that the coffee is nice and strong. Romance is sunset at the beach even if you have to drive to get there. It's buying groceries when you don't have much cash. It's fixing your i-pod and loading your computer with a bunch of cool stuff that makes it work faster and the internet way more fun than it's ever been. 

Finding romance is about taking your head out of the novels ( ... cant believe I just typed that!) and noticing what you actually have right in front of you. It's when someone thinks of you and does things to make your life easier and a little brighter just because...

Even if you take a partner out of the equation surely the flirty barista, the person who gives you their seat on the bus, the smell of freesias , playing with a puppy or reading a good book in the sunshine ( there it is!) all add a bit of something lovely to your life that could be called romance :)

Romance does not exist only in novels. Romance is EVERYWHERE

xo