A Sunday night track

I been thinkin bout a slow dance :)

xo

A moment of perfection

I've been running all over town recently doing a bunch of fun things. There has been the Auckland arts festival going on and it's been such nice weather why not make the most of it? I moved into my new flat (which I LOVE), my nephew said my name properly for the first time which was really cool , it was Tony's birthday and the list just goes on and on . 

It's been a busy and exciting and really really fun time. In the middle of it all there was one special moment. It was one moment that took my breath away. In that moment everything was so perfect that I didn't quite know how to process all the amazing-ness :)

Tony had gotten us tickets to see Fela! the concert at the Civic. We had just taken our seats which were amazing and I was sitting there in that special, beautiful building with my wonderful man beside me. We were watching the band warm up and I was staring at the ceiling waiting for the shooting star to shoot across the 'sky'.... I've never felt luckier or happier. There was literally no where else I would have wanted to be.

I've been trying to recognise those moments and document them. I don't think that I'll ever forget sitting there and having to catch my breath but if I take the time to document it then when I'm having a really crappy day I can read back through my archives and remember that actually perfect things do exist and they do happen to me. 

xo

Tomorrow is February 14.. whatever

It's amazing how intense conversations about valentines day can get! Today at work it went a little like this 

ME: " LOL all I got for valentines day was a " haha I'm working on Valentines day"

PERSON I WORK WITH: " A relationship without romance will fizzle you know"

ME: " WTF" ....

Or you know, something like that. I'm going to go ahead, put it out there and go on record as saying I think valentines day is dumb. YEP let me put it in caps for ya VALENTINES DAY IS DUMB

This is the first February 14th in my life that I've been in a relationship. The first commercially dictated day of Romance that I could reasonably expect to enjoy but it feels so meaningless. I admit that I am a spoiled princess and soooooo lucky but I have romance most days. My Mr is the master of doing little things that make me smile and make me feel so special all the time. I value him and all the things that he does for me without thinking about it, with out any intention or even realisation that it's going to make me happy.

The sexiest and most romantic sentence ever uttered is definitely something more along the lines of "See that line? that's where the kitchen starts. Don't Cross it" and not " Happy Valentines day, here's the thingamy you forced me to buy you"

Just sayin

Musings from the shower...

I'm off to spend the weekend with the BF tomorrow YAY :) 

I was just in the shower doing all of the things so that I look as good as possible for him and thinking about how I want to cook him my favorite tomato pasta for dinner and I got so embarrassed! I started thinking how silly I was being and how it's insane that I'm getting excited to cook for him because I'm a terrible cook!  He cooks and I do a mean set of dishes hahahaha

AND THEN I gave myself a mental slap and realised that this doesn't mean I'm turning into a 1950's housewife or that I'm not a modern woman at all or even that I'm acting like a 15 year old. It means that we have a good relationship I'd say. These days it's so frowned upon for someone to say that they're actually in love with their partner. To say that they want to look good for them and do things for no other reason than to make them happy. In our particular relationship these things have tended to fall within traditional gender roles which just adds an extra layer of weird.

I wish that it were socially acceptable to say these things out loud! I'm just so sick of all this weird feeling that it's only ok to speak about a man if it's negative or sexual. I'm done with it and just so I'm not a hypocrite here goes....

I'm a modern , educated woman who makes sure that she shaves her legs and cuts her toe nails before spending the night. I make a point of trying to enjoy some of what he enjoys and I always tell him how handsome he is. I love him and it's not cute or sweet it's just how it is. Giving those things to him does not diminish me in anyway because he lights up my life in completely random ways all the time. We work because we're always trying to impress each other and it's awesome!

... SO THERE! 

Hahahahahahah Rant officially done

xoxo

I cant decide if my life is embarrassingly sad or insanely awesome!

I didn't ever plan to make this blog quite as personal as I have recently but to be honest these are the types of blogs I like to read and also right now the things that are on my mind are kind of personal... so WHATEVER.

Tonight I went to the Library to get my new book ( Landline by Rainbow Rowell *SQUEE*) and then decided since I wasn't quite ready to go home that I would have something to eat before going for a bus. I probably chose a really dumb place to eat because it's dark and lovely and not a place to be on a Friday night by yourself. Within two sips of my overly sweet muscato I was starting to get really pissy with my life. I mean it's pretty cool to be able to read in lovely surrounds while eating beautiful crepes BUT on a Friday night after a week of work I'd really like to not be taking myself out on a romantic date. I'd really like to have someone to unwind with and to enjoy it with me! I thought that a boyfriend would be good for that sort of thing but of course I end up with one who lives in a different world that runs on different norms. It just all feels really unfair sometimes. 

Now I'm being a brat I know and obviously I am in no way comparing my situation to people with actual problems but it's so frustrating and a little depressing. 

I tend to go on a bit of a roller-coaster with my thoughts on being in a relationship with someone who has a ridiculous job they adore. On one hand, I have a great man who's amazing to be around and is nothing but awesome to me and who has a work ethic that I am actually really proud of BUT on the other I essentially have the life of a single person without actually having the right to act like one.  It's not that I have any desire to act like a single person and get on that dating wheel again, not even a little bit, but I get all the bad things about being single without the fun of dating! NO FAIR

HUMPH! I know logically that it's about accepting all parts of the person and loving them for who they are and what they bring to your life. I know that the universe is 'not a wish granting factory' and as such it's important to be able to be flexible with what you're wanting and dreaming of. To be able to reconcile what you want with what you get. I know that if I'm going to get off this roller-coaster I need to accept what I have in this adorable man and adjust my expectations. After all, who knows what the future holds. I am probably missing parts of the puzzle and maybe in time a picture will reveal itself that surpasses all of my dreams and is more than what I could hope for right now.  

ARGH

Ok whiny baby time is over!

Going home to read more of this cool book and clean my house so I can go to the film festival guilt free tomorrow ;-)

This is not what I sat down here to write!

At the start of the week I heard about a cool thing that was happening tonight and I asked my boyfriend if he was free to come with me. when he said he was working I kind of lost it a little bit. Several minutes of swearing and being REALLY mad ensued. It's not his fault he happened to be working on the one random night I wanted to do something but I felt so disappointed and all sorts of " what's the point of having a bf if he's never around??". It was unfair and just a tad crazy.

SO...I decided that I'm an independent grown woman and there is nothing stopping me doing cool things alone. For some reason it didn't occur to me to ask if one of my friends wanted to come. I guess I was just wanting to spend this time with him. I called it my Beyonce moment!! hahaha.  As it turns out I got half way to said cool thing and decided I couldn't be bothered so got a Japanese curry and am just waiting for my bus as I type. 

Before the bf and I became serious I used to do everything by myself. I had zero qualms about doing any and everything that I wanted to do on my own terms and that's how I went into the relationship. It's kind of hilarious how much 6 months can change a person. I didn't want him to take up too much of my time or to be too intense about things. I kind of wanted a friend with benefits which is so hard to believe now. I've done an almost, but not quite 360 on the issue. Now I think of him before I make any plan and I want him around as much as I can get him... which sadly isn't very much. It's so hard to accept but I'm getting there. I don't know what the future holds but I do know that for now and in this moment I am actually in love. SO WEIRD.

 

I completely embarrassed myself tonight by going against all of my principles and long held ideas and going into a jewelry shop to try on a diamond... by myself. 

I guess I am a total girl at the end of the day. 

xo

Romance is dead?

I was walking around downtown Auckland taking photos of the street art as I am want to do and came across this...

It struck me as quite sad! I mean.. romance only exists in novels?? That's not true at all. Romance is everywhere. My perspective on this debate is that it's really a question of what you're picturing when you think 'romance'. If the only thing you can think of is 12 red roses and dinner that costs hundreds of dollars then yeah... maybe for you romance is dead. For me romance is going out of the way to take you to their favorite fish and chip shop. It's getting out of bed first to make a coffee and making sure that the coffee is nice and strong. Romance is sunset at the beach even if you have to drive to get there. It's buying groceries when you don't have much cash. It's fixing your i-pod and loading your computer with a bunch of cool stuff that makes it work faster and the internet way more fun than it's ever been. 

Finding romance is about taking your head out of the novels ( ... cant believe I just typed that!) and noticing what you actually have right in front of you. It's when someone thinks of you and does things to make your life easier and a little brighter just because...

Even if you take a partner out of the equation surely the flirty barista, the person who gives you their seat on the bus, the smell of freesias , playing with a puppy or reading a good book in the sunshine ( there it is!) all add a bit of something lovely to your life that could be called romance :)

Romance does not exist only in novels. Romance is EVERYWHERE

xo

an awesome long weekend

Ahhh got to love a long weekend! ... of course being pretty much unemployed means that the public holidays mean next to nothing to me. I spent the weekend with Mr and it was really good even though we didn't do heaps. I have been loving listening to his old school LPs and hearing a bunch of different music played on that format. Could possibly be a real music snob hiding under my layers of love for Beyonce :P

We listened to the Sound City album and then watched the movie. What a cool experience. I'm not into rock particularly but the documentary was really interesting and I actually did enjoy the music. After that we danced around the lounge to Dr Hook... LOL

We went to a birthday party at Little Easy on Ponsonby Road. There was a tab which was a nice surprise and on the whole I loved this place. Great music, fab staff and a really cool vibe designed by Lovelace & co (I think). 

Mr lives close to a really good Op shop. He found a few amazing buys. A great jumper that looks amazing on him for $5! I didn't find anything except this creepy Ronald McDonald doll in the toy bin .... which I didn't buy LOLOL

I've been reading this book over the weekend because Ariel Bissett who is one of my fave book-tubers recommended it so highly. I'm not quite done but at this point I must admit..."my name is Anita and I am loving a book about mermaids" HAHAHA

So there ya go. A weekend of hanging with my fave man and broadening my musical horizons. Drinking on a tab in a great bar, watching documentaries and just generally having a great, low key time. I wish I could do that every weekend!

xo

The GOOD with the BAD

***Long random sorta post ahead***

Things in my neck of the world have been a bit of a whirlwind over the last 6 weeks or so. It's so hard not to be all 'poor me' but there have been so many fantastic things that I have loved during this time that if I do dip my toe into the quick sand just thinking about them is enough to pull me out.

At the end of march my flatmate passed away. She didn't just pass away she had an accident here at home and I had to call the ambulance and it was a pretty nasty situation. I didn't think she would pass away that night but it was still so scary. Even now, all these weeks later it's still a little hard to actually fathom that she died. After a life of having these types of accidents and not dying ... she died. Hmmm. It's impossible to get my head around and it's so easy to say all the right things and of course the brain knows, logically that things couldn't have been different but generally speaking when things happen the heart is more powerful than the head. 

During the month I've had disappointment after disappointment on the job front and the resurgence of an injury that I just didn't think was ever going to be a problem again but which has meant that I've had to turn down work which always sucks. My finances are so stressful and past choices are making it hard right now. Of course it will all be better when I have an income!

So there's all of that and while I'm adjusting to looking for a new job and a new place to live I have had some major first world problems that have simply added together to make life so frustrating and kinda sorta like I'm constantly walking through gel ... or something. 

Today is the last day in my 100 happy days project. Looking back through the last month or so of pictures has really made me realise how incredibly lucky I am. If I were religiously inclined, which I'm not, I would say I were blessed. 

My friends and family have, on several situations helped me to have some amazing and fun times. Two nights after my flatmate went to hospital Mr left me speechless and just a wee bit in awe of him when he gave me a private tour of the civic and then a little later a crazy fun night in that had me wearing his clothes plus fairy wings and a crown and dancing around the house with his flatmate :)

I got to go to a hot air balloon show ( ?) which was really amazing. I've actually spent a ton of time with my sister and nephew in the last little while and I've really enjoyed it though having a 16 month old staying with me in my totally not child friendly house was freaking exhausting!. 

I finally had the graduation ceremony for my Graduate Diploma in Teaching. It was such a surprise to me but the day was super special and really enjoyable. I loved participating and I'm so glad that I went along. This ceremony was so much better than my graduation from my degree :)

My mom has been really supportive in lots of ways but she worked really hard to make it possible for me to have a dinner party for 8 of my friends. This is actually a bigger deal than it sounds and I had a fantastic time. The party was to celebrate my birthday and my graduation and my friend getting a job and also the fact that I thought I was going to be leaving this hood. 

Today I went for a long walk and I realised anew that this neighbour hood is spectacular and I am very lucky to live here. It's so great to live at the beach. Every day it's a little different and while it looks awesome it often also smells pretty great which is something that I love. 

So yeah. Things might be a little hard right now and while I'm prone to over thinking and being a drama queen I have an amazing life that is only going to get better. I am going to keep on keeping on and keep making plans and dreaming dreams because THATS how things get better. I will keep trying to reach my ideals and then when I do I will find new ones. I just need to take a breath and chill out sometimes.

We're FaceBook Official...

terrible photo that I love #1 

It was my birthday yesterday and this guy busts out with "we should change our status on face book" .... LOL it was so funny. He was really cute about it and now we're "Facebook official". It's the funniest thing to be honest. I hadn't really thought about the idea of making any sort of announcement. I was just happy to do our thing. "Hi face book friends...I really like this guy and we hang out a lot".. hahahahahaha I felt like such a weirdo.

Since we changed the status it's been such an eye opener for me and really sweet. I guess I'm a cynical cow because obviously the rest of the world thinks new relationships are way more special than I do. Well, let me explain that.... I'm very happy with this new relationship...it's pretty damn awesome but I just hadn't anticipated that anybody else would give a damn.

The comments on his status especially have been pretty overwhelming. I feel like I just announced that I'm engaged or pregnant or something. He has so many responses and all of them so sweet. 

One of the comments talks about how important validation from people who care about us and whom we care about is. The person who left the comment was basically trying to say that no man is an island and ... you know... people need people! I completely agree with his sentiments and it did make me feel slightly less of a Muppet for announcing my life in that way. Yes it might be a little bit naff but to see all of that love from so many people really does make the whole thing a little bit more special. Their happiness for us just adds an extra bit of sparkle :)

terrible photo I love #2

I am feeling very lucky. I have a very special man who is proud to tell everybody he knows that I'm important to him! How cool is that!!!! 

So, yeah, YAY ME :-)

F is for 'Falling for you' (Mr pt 2)

***I'm gonna go ahead and post two in one day today since I don't think I'm going to have the energy tomorrow. There is stuff!! This is also a Sunday when no posting is supposed to be happening but I will stop till Tuesday and then all will be right with the world ***

I decided for this post to be super honest and  take it personal... waaaay personal. Why not right?? Today a letter to Mr... (who we first met here)

Dear Mr

You're kind of amazing. You are also kind of annoying and I sometimes want to punch you in the face but ever since we've had the chance to hang out properly I have found myself, much to my dismay, really and seriously falling for you. 

I haven't told you this and right now I'm really focusing on not letting it fall out of my mouth. I really have no idea how to say it or really exactly what I even want to say so let the random stream of consciousness begin ! 

When we're together it's the most natural thing in the world. I am so damn comfortable with you and I love the way you look after me. As I always tell you, you're so smart and you have such cool stories, I am endlessly entertained and fascinated by you. You are so good at doing little things that I always notice and which always make me smile. I don't know if you know you're even doing them or the value I really place on them though. I guess I should probably tell you things like that shouldn't I?  :)

I like that we're so different and yet we get on so well. It's cool for our worlds to collide and I hope they begin to collide more and more.  I am falling hard for you but we're not there yet. I want the chance to be able to make you as happy as you make me and I don't know how to do it yet. There's a lot more to learn. 

I'm falling for you fast. Someone like you is a totally new experience for me and I like it. I don't want to tell you this yet because it feels like we have a lot of adapting to each other and each others lives to do before my cynical and overly analytic brain can accept it as real. I am beginning to learn that sometimes it's good to lead with your heart instead of your head but it's not easy to change the habits of a life time.

I promise to be as patient as I can with you if you do the same for me. I want to be careful not to change you and I don't plan to change who I am either but when we get to the point that we can evolve in little ways together and find real, mutually satisfying compromises then that will be the time that I can and will confidently tell you that I love you. Until then it will be a secret that I just share with the internet ok? :-P

xo