The saddest day

Today my lovely friend lost her mother to cancer. What a sad and horrible day!  I've never met my friend or her mother as I met her on Twitter and she lives in my old stomping grounds in Canada.

My heart still aches for her though. Her announcement got me to thinking about how we process things like this. Firstly how awesome that she can make the announcement once via Face book and the chances are that all of her friends will know and she wont need to keep saying "my mum died".

Below is what I wrote on her wall :

 I was just reading your post again & I really wanted to just say that I hope you do, as you say, honour her by celebrating all the time you did have and all of the amazing that she was. Those things never go away and in time I hope that you can keep honouring her by living up to the example she left for you. That's what Kia Kaha means - to stand strong, to have a strong heart ..... and I know you do Turnip  and for those times when you just don't or you just cant there are so many people both near and very far who can do it and be it for you. You got a lot a love lady

I have a quiet goal to one day become a celebrant. I would like the opportunity to make

 times like this less painful in some way for the people left behind. The above encapsulates my take on the situation. That we need to accept the loss and honor the person who has gone on without us. That the best way to carry on is to live well and in a way that our loved one would be proud of. There's a song on the radio right now by The Script called "if you could see me now".  The line that gets me every time is "Would you stand in disgrace or take a bow if you could see me now?" - for me I tend to think about my Grandfather and it really does determine how I make choices and I hope that my sweet friend will also be able to feel her mum around her and live her life to the fullest so that her mother is up there taking a bow for the wonderful woman she left behind. 

I guess there's not actually a correct philosophy or a right way to grieve or live when you loose one of the most important people to you. We all process differently but the idea that we should make our loved ones life mean something in the grand design by using the influence they had upon us to live well and make our own mark on the world is the most positive that I can think of.