Not negative but not sunshine either

I'm sitting on my couch right now and my brain is swimming with so many thoughts, none of which particularly make me happy. I feel like it would be awesome if I had a life manager to be honest who could just tell me what to do and the how and when to do it. *sigh*

For some reason this practicum is not gelling well for me. I don't quite know what the issue is but I honestly feel like it's me. I come away each day feeling like I am in need of remedial instruction. Actually, to be really honest I come away each day feeling dumber than a door knob. I'm not at all. I am in fact pretty intelligent. I am really beginning to fear that I am just not cut out to be a teacher ..... as much as I.... really am cut out to be a teacher. 

It doesn't make sense at all. The only way I can really think of it is that I am cut out to be a Children's Librarian. The same sort of 'hanging out with the fun kids' bit but without all the boring and painful pedagogy. I do know that if I am not engaged in something I find it really hard to learn it and I am yet to find something at university that I feel engaged with. 

I am poorer than I have ever been and it sucks so badly. Of course I don't count when it really comes to 'poor' because I have my family behind me and they will always support me if I need it. This month I cant pay the water bill... of $20! OMG. This is perhaps the hardest thing to adjust to after coming from a well paying job. It's so stressful that it clouds everything I do. Upside = a good chance to loose some weight if I cant afford food!

Speaking of food... sort of.. I splurged $4.50 tonight and got myself a 'Georgie Pie' Pie from McDonald's. There was a lot of hype and hope involved BUT ... honestly kind of a let down. I think it's the fake cheese that the memories are attached to. Sooooo classy LOL

Tomorrow is my 3rd date with Ryan :) yay. He's gonna make me dinner and then we're gonna watch a movie on his schmancy a.v system. I think it's the fact that date one we played pool and date two we went to the 48 hour film fest that has gotten us to date 3. LOL. He's got a fab handle on what makes great dates. He argues like a mofo, smokes, is not clean shaven .... and is younger than me BUT I think he's cool. I guess I shouldn't hold the beard against him as it really does suit him and he probably would look strange without it. So anyway, there's that.

I am supposed to be teaching math tomorrow and to be honest I don't know my times tables. So much stress involved. GRRRS

I guess the moral of the story is... regardless of how crap you feel GO TO YOGA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!