I cant decide if my life is embarrassingly sad or insanely awesome!

I didn't ever plan to make this blog quite as personal as I have recently but to be honest these are the types of blogs I like to read and also right now the things that are on my mind are kind of personal... so WHATEVER.

Tonight I went to the Library to get my new book ( Landline by Rainbow Rowell *SQUEE*) and then decided since I wasn't quite ready to go home that I would have something to eat before going for a bus. I probably chose a really dumb place to eat because it's dark and lovely and not a place to be on a Friday night by yourself. Within two sips of my overly sweet muscato I was starting to get really pissy with my life. I mean it's pretty cool to be able to read in lovely surrounds while eating beautiful crepes BUT on a Friday night after a week of work I'd really like to not be taking myself out on a romantic date. I'd really like to have someone to unwind with and to enjoy it with me! I thought that a boyfriend would be good for that sort of thing but of course I end up with one who lives in a different world that runs on different norms. It just all feels really unfair sometimes. 

Now I'm being a brat I know and obviously I am in no way comparing my situation to people with actual problems but it's so frustrating and a little depressing. 

I tend to go on a bit of a roller-coaster with my thoughts on being in a relationship with someone who has a ridiculous job they adore. On one hand, I have a great man who's amazing to be around and is nothing but awesome to me and who has a work ethic that I am actually really proud of BUT on the other I essentially have the life of a single person without actually having the right to act like one.  It's not that I have any desire to act like a single person and get on that dating wheel again, not even a little bit, but I get all the bad things about being single without the fun of dating! NO FAIR

HUMPH! I know logically that it's about accepting all parts of the person and loving them for who they are and what they bring to your life. I know that the universe is 'not a wish granting factory' and as such it's important to be able to be flexible with what you're wanting and dreaming of. To be able to reconcile what you want with what you get. I know that if I'm going to get off this roller-coaster I need to accept what I have in this adorable man and adjust my expectations. After all, who knows what the future holds. I am probably missing parts of the puzzle and maybe in time a picture will reveal itself that surpasses all of my dreams and is more than what I could hope for right now.  

ARGH

Ok whiny baby time is over!

Going home to read more of this cool book and clean my house so I can go to the film festival guilt free tomorrow ;-)

This is not what I sat down here to write!

At the start of the week I heard about a cool thing that was happening tonight and I asked my boyfriend if he was free to come with me. when he said he was working I kind of lost it a little bit. Several minutes of swearing and being REALLY mad ensued. It's not his fault he happened to be working on the one random night I wanted to do something but I felt so disappointed and all sorts of " what's the point of having a bf if he's never around??". It was unfair and just a tad crazy.

SO...I decided that I'm an independent grown woman and there is nothing stopping me doing cool things alone. For some reason it didn't occur to me to ask if one of my friends wanted to come. I guess I was just wanting to spend this time with him. I called it my Beyonce moment!! hahaha.  As it turns out I got half way to said cool thing and decided I couldn't be bothered so got a Japanese curry and am just waiting for my bus as I type. 

Before the bf and I became serious I used to do everything by myself. I had zero qualms about doing any and everything that I wanted to do on my own terms and that's how I went into the relationship. It's kind of hilarious how much 6 months can change a person. I didn't want him to take up too much of my time or to be too intense about things. I kind of wanted a friend with benefits which is so hard to believe now. I've done an almost, but not quite 360 on the issue. Now I think of him before I make any plan and I want him around as much as I can get him... which sadly isn't very much. It's so hard to accept but I'm getting there. I don't know what the future holds but I do know that for now and in this moment I am actually in love. SO WEIRD.

 

I completely embarrassed myself tonight by going against all of my principles and long held ideas and going into a jewelry shop to try on a diamond... by myself. 

I guess I am a total girl at the end of the day. 

xo

Romance is dead?

I was walking around downtown Auckland taking photos of the street art as I am want to do and came across this...

It struck me as quite sad! I mean.. romance only exists in novels?? That's not true at all. Romance is everywhere. My perspective on this debate is that it's really a question of what you're picturing when you think 'romance'. If the only thing you can think of is 12 red roses and dinner that costs hundreds of dollars then yeah... maybe for you romance is dead. For me romance is going out of the way to take you to their favorite fish and chip shop. It's getting out of bed first to make a coffee and making sure that the coffee is nice and strong. Romance is sunset at the beach even if you have to drive to get there. It's buying groceries when you don't have much cash. It's fixing your i-pod and loading your computer with a bunch of cool stuff that makes it work faster and the internet way more fun than it's ever been. 

Finding romance is about taking your head out of the novels ( ... cant believe I just typed that!) and noticing what you actually have right in front of you. It's when someone thinks of you and does things to make your life easier and a little brighter just because...

Even if you take a partner out of the equation surely the flirty barista, the person who gives you their seat on the bus, the smell of freesias , playing with a puppy or reading a good book in the sunshine ( there it is!) all add a bit of something lovely to your life that could be called romance :)

Romance does not exist only in novels. Romance is EVERYWHERE

xo

A sad week at the movies

In the last week or so I've been to two different movies and they've both been super sad! Normally I'd run the other way from all of this emotion but in the first movie I had no idea what I was getting into and in the second I knew exactly what I was getting but it was something I've been excited for for such a long time I grabbed my tissues and almost literally ran to the theater!! 

Movie one is a micro-budget New Zealand movie. I thought the story telling and the movie stuff , like acting (and stuff) were pretty amazing. This story is honestly heartbreaking. As much as I usually go to the movies to be transported to a 'better', 'funnier', 'more beautiful' world there is really something so compelling about the dark side of reality. The movie centers around Tania who is working nights to try and raise enough money to take her little brother to Australia to find their dad. It's all going well and things are working out when reality hits. I love the way that they were able to infuse so much humor into such a terribly sad story without showing any disrespect to the characters and their situation. It was hard to form an articulate response to this movie because every part of the story is something that I have no experience with and very little knowledge of.  Though I did grow up just up the road from where they filmed it :) 

Fantail is something that we can all be proud of and I'd love to see what these guys could do with a budget! 

The. Fault. In. Our. Stars... do I need to say anything else???

I have been looking forward to this movie for more than a year so I was so excited to finally get the chance to see it yesterday. I had my extra tissues so I felt prepared for what I knew was to come. I don't know what the problem really was but as much as this was an awesome adaptation of the movie, as much as the acting and scripts were great there was just something that didn't reach the same heights as the movie that played in my head while I read the book. I think perhaps I'm old and crotchety and have too high standards for movies?? I really liked this. I cried a bit and smiled in the smiley parts and honestly appreciated what I was watching but I didn't fall in love.

xo

an awesome long weekend

Ahhh got to love a long weekend! ... of course being pretty much unemployed means that the public holidays mean next to nothing to me. I spent the weekend with Mr and it was really good even though we didn't do heaps. I have been loving listening to his old school LPs and hearing a bunch of different music played on that format. Could possibly be a real music snob hiding under my layers of love for Beyonce :P

We listened to the Sound City album and then watched the movie. What a cool experience. I'm not into rock particularly but the documentary was really interesting and I actually did enjoy the music. After that we danced around the lounge to Dr Hook... LOL

We went to a birthday party at Little Easy on Ponsonby Road. There was a tab which was a nice surprise and on the whole I loved this place. Great music, fab staff and a really cool vibe designed by Lovelace & co (I think). 

Mr lives close to a really good Op shop. He found a few amazing buys. A great jumper that looks amazing on him for $5! I didn't find anything except this creepy Ronald McDonald doll in the toy bin .... which I didn't buy LOLOL

I've been reading this book over the weekend because Ariel Bissett who is one of my fave book-tubers recommended it so highly. I'm not quite done but at this point I must admit..."my name is Anita and I am loving a book about mermaids" HAHAHA

So there ya go. A weekend of hanging with my fave man and broadening my musical horizons. Drinking on a tab in a great bar, watching documentaries and just generally having a great, low key time. I wish I could do that every weekend!

xo

The best movie I've seen in a YEAR

I saw this awesome gem of a movie today. It's seriously the cutest and sweetest thing!!! I smiled so hard for most of it that my face was in PAIN but 3 hours later I was still smiling. This is just sooooo good. The story is about fathers and sons, it's about how the best way to be successful is to do something you love, it's about the power of social media and importantly it has a lot of food and a lot of awesome 'Cuban' music. The cast is so good. There are cameos and supporting appearances from a ton of big names such as Robert Downy Jr and Dustin Hoffman. The rest of the main cast is  made up of great actors with faces you know even if you don't know their names. 

I have to say that Scarlet Johansson made me want to run out and get a tattoo on my shoulder. Seriously..that woman is crazy hot. Actually the movie has some really good scenery. We have Miami and New Orleans that make you want to jump straight on a plane. There's Ms Johansson and Sophia Vergara and R.D.J and to be honest... the leading man is such a teddy bear! Eye candy galore.

GO.SEE.THIS.AWESOME.MOVIE :) or get it on dvd or netflix or something.

xo

The most relaxing day EVER

This weekend I'm planning to be super productive and get myself back on track towards no longer failing at life. I have plans y'all :) On my to do list for the weekend is to read two books. I haven't really been reading much over the last few months and I miss it. I need that in my life. This is my selection for the weekend and it was so hard to decide which to jump into first but in the end I read 'Love letters to the dead' in one sitting pretty much today. OhMyGawd I have to agree with every You-Tuber who I've seen praising this book. It's so sad and so intense but the writing is AMAZING. It's really beautiful. Actually this reminds me a lot of Eleanor and Park.

Today I woke up at 6am (thanks brain but its Saturday!!!) so I tried really hard to go back to sleep but when that was a fail I just lay there day dreaming and watching you-tube clips on my phone. Finally I got out of bed around 11.

Then I ran up to the shops for some supplies and a coffee and when I got back it was time to turn on spotify and fall into a different world. As I mentioned I chose well :)

I took two breaks to do a workout inspired by blogilates from YouTube. I only did about 15 minutes and 8-10 minutes but let me tell you....Im'a feel that ish tomorrow! WOWZERS. It's all part of my getting my shizz together plan and I feel like I can fit that into everyday at least once. Tomorrow if it's not raining I plan to go for a walk instead. No point living at the beach and not making the most of it.

I didn't talk to anybody except the lovely girl who makes my coffee all day and while that would usually make me feel bored and lonely for some reason today all I feel is incredibly relaxed. It's been awesome and I reckon one more day will be brilliant. I think I'm going to jump into 'crash into you' tomorrow and I also have Pretty Little Liars and Hart of Dixie to watch. I cant wait :)

Hope your weekend is as awesome as mine.

xo