The most relaxing day EVER

This weekend I'm planning to be super productive and get myself back on track towards no longer failing at life. I have plans y'all :) On my to do list for the weekend is to read two books. I haven't really been reading much over the last few months and I miss it. I need that in my life. This is my selection for the weekend and it was so hard to decide which to jump into first but in the end I read 'Love letters to the dead' in one sitting pretty much today. OhMyGawd I have to agree with every You-Tuber who I've seen praising this book. It's so sad and so intense but the writing is AMAZING. It's really beautiful. Actually this reminds me a lot of Eleanor and Park.

Today I woke up at 6am (thanks brain but its Saturday!!!) so I tried really hard to go back to sleep but when that was a fail I just lay there day dreaming and watching you-tube clips on my phone. Finally I got out of bed around 11.

Then I ran up to the shops for some supplies and a coffee and when I got back it was time to turn on spotify and fall into a different world. As I mentioned I chose well :)

I took two breaks to do a workout inspired by blogilates from YouTube. I only did about 15 minutes and 8-10 minutes but let me tell you....Im'a feel that ish tomorrow! WOWZERS. It's all part of my getting my shizz together plan and I feel like I can fit that into everyday at least once. Tomorrow if it's not raining I plan to go for a walk instead. No point living at the beach and not making the most of it.

I didn't talk to anybody except the lovely girl who makes my coffee all day and while that would usually make me feel bored and lonely for some reason today all I feel is incredibly relaxed. It's been awesome and I reckon one more day will be brilliant. I think I'm going to jump into 'crash into you' tomorrow and I also have Pretty Little Liars and Hart of Dixie to watch. I cant wait :)

Hope your weekend is as awesome as mine.

xo

The GOOD with the BAD

***Long random sorta post ahead***

Things in my neck of the world have been a bit of a whirlwind over the last 6 weeks or so. It's so hard not to be all 'poor me' but there have been so many fantastic things that I have loved during this time that if I do dip my toe into the quick sand just thinking about them is enough to pull me out.

At the end of march my flatmate passed away. She didn't just pass away she had an accident here at home and I had to call the ambulance and it was a pretty nasty situation. I didn't think she would pass away that night but it was still so scary. Even now, all these weeks later it's still a little hard to actually fathom that she died. After a life of having these types of accidents and not dying ... she died. Hmmm. It's impossible to get my head around and it's so easy to say all the right things and of course the brain knows, logically that things couldn't have been different but generally speaking when things happen the heart is more powerful than the head. 

During the month I've had disappointment after disappointment on the job front and the resurgence of an injury that I just didn't think was ever going to be a problem again but which has meant that I've had to turn down work which always sucks. My finances are so stressful and past choices are making it hard right now. Of course it will all be better when I have an income!

So there's all of that and while I'm adjusting to looking for a new job and a new place to live I have had some major first world problems that have simply added together to make life so frustrating and kinda sorta like I'm constantly walking through gel ... or something. 

Today is the last day in my 100 happy days project. Looking back through the last month or so of pictures has really made me realise how incredibly lucky I am. If I were religiously inclined, which I'm not, I would say I were blessed. 

My friends and family have, on several situations helped me to have some amazing and fun times. Two nights after my flatmate went to hospital Mr left me speechless and just a wee bit in awe of him when he gave me a private tour of the civic and then a little later a crazy fun night in that had me wearing his clothes plus fairy wings and a crown and dancing around the house with his flatmate :)

I got to go to a hot air balloon show ( ?) which was really amazing. I've actually spent a ton of time with my sister and nephew in the last little while and I've really enjoyed it though having a 16 month old staying with me in my totally not child friendly house was freaking exhausting!. 

I finally had the graduation ceremony for my Graduate Diploma in Teaching. It was such a surprise to me but the day was super special and really enjoyable. I loved participating and I'm so glad that I went along. This ceremony was so much better than my graduation from my degree :)

My mom has been really supportive in lots of ways but she worked really hard to make it possible for me to have a dinner party for 8 of my friends. This is actually a bigger deal than it sounds and I had a fantastic time. The party was to celebrate my birthday and my graduation and my friend getting a job and also the fact that I thought I was going to be leaving this hood. 

Today I went for a long walk and I realised anew that this neighbour hood is spectacular and I am very lucky to live here. It's so great to live at the beach. Every day it's a little different and while it looks awesome it often also smells pretty great which is something that I love. 

So yeah. Things might be a little hard right now and while I'm prone to over thinking and being a drama queen I have an amazing life that is only going to get better. I am going to keep on keeping on and keep making plans and dreaming dreams because THATS how things get better. I will keep trying to reach my ideals and then when I do I will find new ones. I just need to take a breath and chill out sometimes.

Television sucks your soul...

TVNZ is so clever. They've put season 4 of Pretty Little Liars on at 12pm on a Sunday. I had no idea why and really thought it was dumb because this show should be rating through the roof. Teenage girls ( and 35 year old women) LOVE this shizz! Seriously it's freaking awesome. The old slot of 5.30 on a Sunday was bad enough... 

Then today while I was watching I started to have a few epiphanies. I never watch TV during the day..EVER so score right there for the television station as they have instantly got an extra hour of ad watching out of me. I would have probably watched something in the old time slot so this really is a bonus hour for them. I cant believe how much of your day ends up being sucked up when you turn the box on! 

The other thing I realised was that I watch this show and while I really like it I do tend to come away feeling slightly under-dressed under-groomed and ... old. I always want to run out and buy something to remedy that after watching the hot young high schoolers race around after the Ubiquitous 'A'. That's not their fault. It makes sense to have good looking people play these roles and the show is really not about that. It isn't at all focused on their looks and they are really all pretty kick ass characters. It's just years of media conditioning. 

I love this show and make an effort to see it and yet I feel sorta conflicted about that. I honestly think it's a good example of how Television is way WAY too important. I need to get a life!

I think that when I'm more in a position to make it happen I'm going to make a big goal of watching less T.V. just to see how much more fun my life becomes. I'm picking that if I'm conscious about it and make an effort to fill my time with fun things and cool people I'm going to come away feeling much more entertained and also feeling a ton more awesome about who I am and what I represent.

xo

If you dont look closely I totally look like a real grown up!

This is me at 6 am this morning LOL. In my fave dress that I wear when I want to look like a real grown up! Hahaha :) I look so tired in this pic it kind of makes me laugh but whatever!  

Today I pulled out my ninja smiles and continued to smile and chat with the masses like I was having the time of my life despite the fact that OMG I am tired and OMG I really didn't want to be there. It's kind of cool how working in the hospital brings out the best in you ... or me at least lol

I can't wait till the weekend so that I can catch up and start feeling human again. I hate it when I get this tired and stuff. I fall so far behind on life and start over thinking things that I should NOT be wasting energy on. Despite the things that I want to have happen in the next couple of weeks I actually have hardly any control over them so I just need to worry about me and go with the flow. Do my bit and get out of the way of what's gonna happen. No point being insecure or demoralised or angry. 

Que Serra Serra and all of that

xo

sometimes you have to be scared and decide to do it anyway.....

My friend Hue and I were talking about the future the other day, trying to decided what our ideal lives would be like. I came up with a life that included my own space that I don't need to own, so long as its mine. A puppy. A boy who I don't need to sign a piece of paper with but ... who I might sign that paper with (LOL), enough money to visit the islands or Australia every year and a small circle of awesome friends that I see often.  Nothing too bizarre right?

It sounds comfortable and happy to me. The thing is how do I get from here to there? The first thing is that I need to be employed! I am so sick of having no money and having to so carefully think about every single dollar! I've found an AMAZING job that pays very well that I'm going to apply for. I actually think that it's probably a little out of my league but it ties up everything I love in one shiny bow. I want that job but it brings me to scary thing number one that I don't want to do but am probably going to have to do....

DRIVING ARRRRGGGHHHHHH!!! My dream job is going to require me to learn to drive. I have less than zero desire to do it. I do NOT want to own a car or be responsible for driving one on the road. The thought petrifies me but perhaps it's time to cowboy up and do it. I'm almost breaking out in a cold sweat just thinking about it but ... I really would love that job! That job would be a huge step towards making my dream future happen and it feels ridiculous that something like driving will take it away from me ...  

Scary thing number two....?? well. I guess there are a bunch of things.. changes and adaptions. ARGH. I will possibly ... no .. probably be living a very different life by my birthday in 3 months. Almost everything will hopefully be changing. I'm so excited and absolutely ready for it but at the same time it goes against my nature to put myself out there, to take risks and really go after what I want. The thing that has made me ready to be scared and do it anyway is that I finally realised that what I want is pretty simple and it shouldn't really need to be a drama to get it. I just need to take some steps ...so I'm taking them :) 

... Edited LOL

#100happydays

So I was just reading my girl Reannas blog You'll Move Mountains...( ok we're not friends but I've been reading her blog for a while and feel like we could be lol) and she was talking about the 100 happy days project she's completing. 

Basically it's a social media challenge set by this web site in which you take a moment every day for 100 days to record something that makes you happy. You take a picture and then hash-tag it in order to join up. Simple but elegant :)

I decided straight away to sign up because with my life I should find this a breeze but I also know that I complain way to much and focus on the little things way to much. It's going to be nice to look back after 100 days to see what made me happy.

The post I put up on here ..and Instagram yesterday could have been a good place to start but NO CHEATING LOL. Cheating is not the point so I shall try hard to find something good and then Instagram the crap out of that shizz before I go to bed tonight!!! hahahahahahaha

I'm talking to MR. and dissing Rod Stewart on Facebook right now which is a fantastic way to start the day. It's making me very happy indeed. 

xo 

Hell yes 2014

They say to start as you mean to continue and I certainly have :-) The first two days of January have been cool. I have spent time at the beach, read a good book, seen some movies and eaten the best french toast I have EVER eaten. Looking good for the rest of the year I'd say. This post is my 'goals for the new year' post. I wasn't going to but for some reason it's on my mind. I feel the need to organise my thoughts about the year to come because I want it to be different ... better than the previous year. So with out further ado...

I want to continue to...

*walk as much as possible

*be grateful for where I live and the people in my life

*enjoy book tube and find other awesome content makers. SUPPORT THEM.

*build my relationships with new friends 

*dream

I want to learn to...

*make videos

*grocery shop like an adult

*stand up paddle board

*master the Natarajasana (not-ah-raj-AHS-anna) pose in yoga.

*understand more about religion

I want to stop...

*eating so much sugar

*over thinking everything (see 'making resolutions with Mrs Carter')

* Watching Shortland Street

specific to do list...

Get a JOB

Go to Edmonton or Japan

Live in the city

Play with make up a bit - wear red lipstick!

Start writing ... something

Go to Wellington

have a small but stocked booze cupboard 

Learn one great meal to make

Have one dinner party

Get new glasses

Read 5 classics that aren't written by Jane Austin or Maude

buy a mod cloth dress

See a show at silo or Q theatre.

Hmm this is fun! I could go on for a LONG time doing this. There are just so many things I want to do! still that's the basic idea of how I'd like my year to go :)

Happy New Year